Around the park in 80 days

As you read this I will be somewhere on mainland Europe. Hopefully where I planned to be, but perhaps not. The bakery is closed for Easter and I am interrailing with my family. Although I have spent a ludicrously large number of hours planning 8 nights away - honestly, you need a doctorate to plan an interrail journey - I have a niggling sense that something will go awry.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who binge-watched Race Across the World and then bought 4 interrail passes. Am I? I became a bit obsessed with this series, and it got a bit out of hand. It dredged up my spirit of adventure and I wouldn’t shut up about the romance of long train journeys, and how nice it was to see Harry Judd hanging out with his Mum, until those passes were booked.

Mum and son goals

I’ll tell you how it all went in next week’s post, working title: Interrailing with children who said No thanks when you asked if they’d like to go interrailing.

We’re all hoping it goes better than our dry run a couple of months ago. We were kicking around at home one Sunday. There was some bickering. We needed to get out. Sensing that the suggestion Let’s go for a walk was going to light at least two short fuses, I decided to do a clever rebrand.

Let’s…Race Across the Nature Reserve!

We are lucky enough to live a five minute walk from Sevenoaks Wildlife Reserve; beautiful lakes, fringed by woodland and with enough charming features - bridges over brooks, bird hides, a kiosk that sells kitkats - that it is one of my favourite places. Is there anything better than a kitkat at the water’s edge? I always feel my shoulders lighten when I go there, particularly when we’re leaning over a bridge and watching the River Darent whoosh beneath us. I am not exaggerating when I say that this place saved my sanity in that first lockdown. The children have never known a life not living next to it, and as is unfortunately the way with such incredible privilege, are usually enormously reluctant to go.

Their interest was piqued by the Race Across the Nature Reserve concept however. Or, at the very least, by my promise that it would take 30 mins, tops, and then we could watch telly.

We split into two teams. Me and our son vs Steve and our daughter. We agreed an end point and then set off in opposite directions round the small lake, to loop back to the finish and try to claim victory in the shortest time. We’d cross each other’s paths about halfway round. A good opportunity to see whether we had a chance at winning.

Steve didn’t have his phone, but that was okay, because it was only going to be 30 mins, tops, and anyway Harry Judd and his Mum didn’t have a phone and they were fine.

Look they’re doing needlework together!

We started confidently. We have walked round that lake so many times we know it backwards. As it happened, my son and I actually did do the route backwards, as we were the team walking the opposite way to our usual approach. That wasn’t going to be a problem for a navigation pro like me though!

Until it was. I still can’t tell you what happened, but we got incredibly lost. We followed a path we’d never seen before, and walked through a bog, and recognised another path, and then realised we didn’t recognise it.

The other problem was that it was dusk when we set out on our walk, which would have been fine if it had been, as promised, 30 mins, tops.

Then very suddenly it was night. We only had my phone torch to light the way, and couldn’t phone Steve because he was being all Harry Judd and not carrying a bloody phone.

Wishing they’d brought their bloody phone

Steve and our daughter didn’t see us at the halfway point, which was odd. Or indeed, at any other point. They didn’t see us at the finish line, which began to become worrying in the dark of night. They stayed there for 25 minutes waiting for us, and my daughter wept for every one of those long minutes as she thought her mum and brother had died at the nature reserve.

We finally got out, and were reunited with a weeping child and an utterly perplexed husband.

How did we get out? My son suggested that we retrace our steps, and this took a while, as we had taken a lot of steps.

To add some colour to the story, I would like Sandra Bullock - playing me please - to heavily embellish our escape when this incredible tale is reimagined for the big screen.

We were over an hour late watching telly, and we haven’t been back to the nature reserve since.

Please send your good thoughts across the European rail networks.

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